Ego, Confidence & Arrogance, a blog by Tracy

Egos—we all have them. Some people’s seem bigger than others. I think ego is like inflammation; if you don’t drink enough water it can flare up. Drinking water is like spiritual nourishment.

For instance, meditate on scripture. In John 4:10-14 Jesus talks with a woman at the well. He tells her, “The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

Drinking water is like hearing God’s spirit (within your heart). In John 7:37-39, it is the last day of the feast, the great day. Jesus stood and cried out, saying, “If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink.” He continued, “He who believes in me, as the Scripture has said, out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.” Jesus was referring to the Spirit, whom those who believed in him were to receive.

Eckhart Tolle,a spiritual teacher, explains that once we recognize our ego (in the moment) it disappears.

Allowing yourself to be humble is good—at the right time. Other times we need to stand up for ourselves. It is during these moments when things can cross over into ego (inflammation) if we’re not careful. Self-awareness is especially helpful then.

People talk about having a healthy ego. I believe many have their own idea of what that means. The thing is, ego is unconscious.

Freud’s model of the psyche explains that the immediate gratification and instinct-driven part of you wrestles with your morals. The ego maneuvers between them, often by using defense mechanisms (unconscious psychological strategies) to cope with anxiety or feelings of inadequacy.

The key to building a “healthy ego” is conscious thinking. We don’t want to suppress our egos. We can’t. They are unconscious; they work by themselves. But we can release the built-up tension, the stored stress. We can do this with conscious effort and actions such as exercise, meditation, and prayer.

The difference between ego and confidence is that ego is unconscious while confidence is conscious. So, instead of referring to this as a “healthy ego,” I’d like to focus on having a healthy identity.

“The more you know yourself, the more patience you have for what you see in others.” —Erik Erickson

Let’s think about being humble vs. being proud. Then let’s dive into confidence vs. arrogance.

Being humble involves having calming thoughts. It’s not about being a punching bag for someone’s words. It does not mean putting yourself down to make someone else feel better. Being humble is being aware of your strengths AND weaknesses. And, genuinely acknowledging others’ contributions. It’s not pretty when someone takes full credit for something that was a team effort. But, most importantly, humility is recognizing our dependence on God.

When we have a modest view of ourselves and give credit to the Lord and his teaching, our heart grows strong and our identity becomes healthier. Practicing this awareness in our daily living is a pathway to spiritual maturity and a deep relationship with God, wanting His will over our own because He wants what’s best for us. We have faith in this love.

“Pride” and “arrogance” are words often used interchangeably.

In the 14^th century, pride meant self-worth, self-esteem, or self-respect. It’s when we have an unreasonable conceit, a superiority of ourselves, an elevation of character, when pride becomes arrogance. Pride is one of the seven deadly sins. This refers to an overestimation of oneself, an EXCESSIVE love of oneself, and it can lead to other sins. It’s putting one’s own ego above God. And this separates us from Him.

Luke 18:14 promises that those who have an excessive view of themselves will get a lesson in humility. Hopefully, later, they will be grateful for that lesson.

Gratitude is a good step toward awareness. When you stop and think about the good in others and give thanks to the Lord for his blessings upon you, you bring the positive into your awareness.

Frank Lloyd Wright, an American architect, said, "Early in life I had to choose between honest arrogance and hypocritical humility.  I chose the former and have seen no reason to change." - Frank Lloyd Wright

His point, I think, was to be authentic. But that’s my point, too. The modesty or humbleness must be genuine, from the heart. As for “honest arrogance,” well, he may have meant honest pride or confidence. Because the only honest arrogance is the delusional.

Let’s dive a little deeper into specifics and take a look at confidence vs. arrogance.

Confidence is authentic and realistic. It is a positive thing, an inner conviction, which balances strength with an attitude of calmness. With confidence, you are not comparing yourself to others. You have a healthy identity and are open to learning to improve yourself, not to be better than others.

Confidence IS part of a having healthy identity. It’s good to believe in yourself. God got you covered!

Arrogance, on the other hand, has a lack of awareness to one’s limitations. It’s not a good thing. Arrogant people have a dismissive attitude, resisting feedback or beliefs of others. They believe they are superior yet have a need for validation or feel a need to prove themselves. This is because arrogance, in actuality, is a cover for insecurities. It is part of having an unhealthy identity. It’s part of low self-esteem, often accompanied by feelings of jealousy, anger, or hate; and, sometimes harmful acts, such as possessiveness, revenge, or deception.

I add this table as a comparison. I’m not saying everyone needs to be happy all the time. The world will give us trials and tribulations. And we need all kinds of people in this world: skeptics, realists, and dreamers. But, we should check ourselves, become aware of our ego, and vanquish it with our awareness. And, I believe that hope and love breed more hope and love.

I’d also like to note that not all arrogant people are narcissists. The term originated from Greek Mythology with a character named Narcissus. Although many believe they can pinpoint a narcissist, a professional psychiatrist or a licensed psychologist usually diagnoses the disorder. For more information on narcissism, check out The Mayo Clinic’s Overview.

Drink your water and be blessed!

Confident people trust God as a source of strength and peace during hardships.

Love,

Tracy

Ego, Confidence & Arrogance, a blog by Tracy

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