Five Ways to Deal with Feelings of Disappointment

Rejection Hurts

Some people reach out to others and receive little or no response or do things for others and get little or no reciprocation. Some give to others, but, upon reflection, these actions seem unappreciated.

There was a time when I had concluded that there are givers and there are takers. While it might seem that way, I learned that it’s not black and white. There are shades of gray. And, through experience, reflection, study, and revelation, I learned a lot more.

When I was younger I used to consciously and actively stay connected to my friends and family. I periodically telephoned, sent cards or letters, or made an effort to visit them. After years of doing these things, I realized that most of these people didn’t reach out to me. They have fingers, they can dial the phone, too, right? Yes. But people have their own lives, and some people take on so much that they don’t even have time to reflect on such things. Many people, even, keep themselves busy so they don’t have to sit with themselves in thought or self-reflection.

With more time, I began to think differently. When someone had something new in their life which didn’t involve me, I learned to be happy for them, rather than focus on my personal expectations.

I learned that the world doesn’t revolve around me.

Acts of kindness are wonderful. But there are shades of gray, here, too. For instance, if you do something nice for someone they could get the wrong idea. Some people are so lost in loneliness and/or sadness that they may burst into tears or even fall instantly in love with you because you were kind. Gentleness and communication are key in such circumstances.

Or, it could result in a darker shade. Because of their experiences, they could think you’re strange or have an ulterior motive. They may feel fear or lack trust. Whatever the case, that’s on them, not you.

In an even darker spectrum, they could get annoyed or even angry at your kindness. This could be their own issues, but in this example, you might need to look within. Did they ask for your help? If not, perhaps they’re better off figuring things out on their own. Lastly, they could begin to take you for granted. In these last two instances, I suggest learning a little about co-dependency. It’s not always a bad thing, but it’s something in which to be aware.

Giving and not receiving may seem like a constant. Yes, a simple “thank you” is appropriate and sometimes enough, but take a look at your motive. Did you give to receive? If so, that’s business, not personal relations. Did you give out of love? Then you wouldn’t expect anything in return. Love is patient, love is kind, it does not boast . . .

So, how do “givers” deal with feelings of disappointment when kindness is not reciprocated by the people they care about? Do you stop reaching out, acting kind, or giving? Yes and no.

Yes, if you are in an abusive relationship. And, yes, if your instinct (and make sure it’s instinct not your own fear or lack of trust) guides you to take some time first. The detachment may be temporary or permanent. If you feel like a punching bag or like you’ve been banging your head against the wall for too long, it might be time to leave the relationship.

And, no, if someone specifically asks you for your help and you believe that it is right to give it. And, no, because that is not who you are. You are kind-hearted. This is especially true if you’re a mother or father and this is your child or teenager who gives you these concerns. Overall, keep in mind: the right people will love you for who you are as a person. So keep loving!

Balancing self-care and caring for others is essential. I believe life is about balance, and this, especially is no exception. The key, here, is balance.

There are other key ways to cope with these feelings. Second, recognize that not everyone is like you. In fact, no one is like you. You are beautifully and wonderfully made. And so are they. Everyone thinks differently, moderately or extremely so. Everyone has had different experiences. Everyone has their own feelings. And everyone has their own paths.

Third, keep in mind that everyone has a rough day now and again or goes through a stressful time. So, try to be patient and understanding while also being aware of negative patterns. There is a time to stay quiet and a time to speak up.

Fourth, accept the people you love for who they are—their tributes and their faults. We shouldn’t try to make someone do something or be somone they’re not.

Lastly, pray and give it to God. You matter. God loves you, let Him guide you.

Love,

Tracy

Recommended Reading: The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts, by Gary Chapman

Recommended Sermon: Do Enough But Not Too Much — Joyce Meyer

Key points:

Rest in work, don’t stress in work.

Don’t give up on yourself.

Flow in your gifts.

and more!

Scripture:

Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV)

For You formed my innermost parts;

You knit me [together] in my mother’s womb. (Psalm 139:13-14 AMP)

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. (1 Peter 5:8 NIV)

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. (John 14:27)

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